Today our energy is represented by the King of Swords. The King of Swords is the card of logic, clarity, decisiveness, and verbal and mental communication unclouded by feelings. Its a bit of a paradox actually, because even though the King of Swords appears devoid of emotion, if you put all the Sword cards together and follow the story, you can see he’s been betrayed more times he cares to remember. He has been transformed by his pain. He’s become so intimately familiar with experiences he DOESN’T want, that he’s learned to focus with crystal clear precision on what he DOES want.
Except our focused Sword energy is blocked by the Queen of Cups, the mistress of emotion. Even though we want to be done with our feelings about the past and slice forward with precision, our feelings about the past aren’t done with us. We’re uncomfortable and vulnerable and we hate it because we just want to move on already. The work we’ve done to heal ourselves is paying off and our outer world is starting to reflect our inner world. Things are coming together. And yet, we are suddenly blocked by all these uncomfortable feelings we don’t want to deal with. Our insecurities make us want to rush, to skip steps, to not work as hard or be as disciplined and consistent as we should be. Our fears make us impatient and twitchy, which is the exact opposite of how we need to act right now. Right now with so much at stake, so close to the finish line, we need to be easy, patient, thorough, consistent, focused. Except deep down we feel like we’re unworthy of all the good things coming our way. Deep down we don’t feel like the conqueror we’ve become; instead, we feel small, broken and needy.
For advice, spirit offers the Chariot card. Stop running away from your feelings of lack, unworthiness and inadequacy. Avoiding confrontation with your emotions only causes them to transform into situations in your life that confront YOU. By running away from your fears, you’re fostering the very circumstances in which they will thrive. You ARE worthy. You ARE abundant. You ARE adequate. You are feeling old pain based on old circumstances, and it needs to be released in order for evidence of who you’ve become to show up in your new reality. Tell the truth about how you feel, about what happened to you. Admitting your insecurities gives others permission to be flawed. Acknowledging your trauma gives others permission to heal. Boost your self worth by seeing yourself as a survivor instead of a victim. Remember that what you resist, persists. As long as you refuse to really process your past, to feel deeply and viscerally the emotional effects of the experiences you did not want, you cannot hone in with a sword’s precision on what you DO want. You lack clarity about your future because you resist clarity about your past. Avoiding this breakdown/through has you stuck between a painful history you won’t reconcile and a bright future you subconsciously delay. You are holding yourself in purgatory. Once you allow yourself to speak and experience your truth -- no matter how hurtful and messy -- you will experience unprecedented clarity. People might treat you like you think you're brand new when you express yourself because we've been trained to suffer in silence, but you ARE brand new. Toxic habits of martyrdom won't cut it any longer. Confront your pain so you can acknowledge your strength. You SURVIVED. Walk in that knowing, honor your power, to erase your subconscious feelings of unworthiness. You will express your worth from within, which is the final key required for the physical manifestation of your worth to appear. As it is above, so it is below. Follow the darkness into the light.